FAMILY

I have a family here on Earth.

In addition to a perfect husband and a perfect son who make me happier than I have ever been, I have a bigger family.

I have a mom, a dad, a mother-in-law, father-in-law, three brothers, five sisters-in-law, two brothers-in-law, three nieces, two nephews, and one nephew on the way.
These people are part of me.
They are the ones that pray for me when I think the world is ending.
They are the ones that make my world end just when I think everything is going great.
They are the ones that make me happy when life is all lemons.
They are the ones that make me mad. Then, when I think it impossible, they find a way to make me even madder.
They make me laugh. Then, they make me cry because I'm laughing so hard.
They sometimes know my inner most thoughts and feelings, and they know what makes me vulnerable.
They know how to hurt me. Sometimes they do, but most of the time they don't.
When they do, they figure it out, and make it better.
When they can't make it better, they make it as better as they can.

When I stop and think about it, I am part of someone else's family. I am their daughter, daughter-in-law, sister, sister-in-law, and soon-to-be aunt.

I take part in all of the aforementioned actions.

Sometimes all I can do is make it as better as I can.

I'm family. Sometimes I'm good, sometimes I'm not-so-good, and sometimes I'm everything in between.

I'm family. That's who I am.

Semi-sort-of-balancing act

David and I just passed the two year mark of being married. Two years have offered us a lot. Mostly, we have a beautiful baby boy.

In two years I have learned a lot about the balancing act we call LIFE. I
have learned things. A lot of things!

FIRST:
Being a wife is easier than I always imagined it would be. I love to love. I love my husband. I love my son. I imagined that at 25 I would have life figured out and I would know the answers to every question. Unfortunately, I don't and I don't. Thankfully, Lincoln doesn't know that yet, and David doesn't expect that.

NEXT:

Being a mother is...harder...monumentally harder than I ever imagined. Yeah, those dreams of being a perfect mother were dashed to hopes when Lincoln was 6 weeks old, and I could not give him what he seemed to be needing at the moment. (I didn't know what he needed, only that he needed something and I didn't have it) However, his smile makes everything better.


So, I don't have life figured out. I don't know everything there is to know. I do know that I can go to bed every night and be happy that this semi-sort-of-balancing act of life is fun.

Yeah, I know I'm cute!

 

This one made it as mom and dad's screen saver! 

Thank Heaven for tummy time!

I don't usually like tummy time, but mom caught me smiling on a good day! 

7 weeks!

My mommy's new favorite activity is taking pictures of me because I am so cute and chubby!!! 

This is us with Lincoln Daniel at 5 1/2 weeks old! He is eating what we call "the good cream," and happily weighs 11 pounds!

Kiss me now or lose me forever!

I was 7 lbs, 15 oz at birth. Now I am 9.5 lbs. My mom and dad love to give me kisses! 

I love my mommy and daddy!

 

5 weeks old and so dang cute!

 

At Last!

No! Really this time! The baby is coming on February 7, 2006. Hooray! We are so excited. I can't wait to be a mommy, and David....well, let' just say he follows little kids around stores to wave at them! He can't wait to be a daddy! The most rewarding quote I've heard about parenthood so far is from Elder Nelson. He said,

“…Children of the covenant become a strain of sin-resistant souls.” (Russell M. Nelson, “Children of the Covenant,” Ensign May 1995, 32)

So, even though I will probably make a million mistakes.....my children will be protected!

WE CAN'T WAIT!!!

At Last!

I finally have it; that cool arrangement my dad was telling me about! That arrangement where you go to work, and they actually pay you. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving was my last day as a student teacher. That means, I became certified to teach. I have a college degree and a lot of debt. No worries! My principal hired me to work through December so that I could work hard to make less than a McDonald's full-time employee. But, I am getting paid. MONEY.
NOW, TO THE IMPORTANT STUFF:
Lincoln Daniel is about 15 inches long and 2 pounds. Other than having his hand stuck in my rib for days, he has made pregnancy absolutely wonderful. He loves to listen to music. He especialy loves to listen to his daddy sing lullabies to him. It must seem unreal that I could know this so I won't give any reason to back up my claims other than I just know. He loves to play "human bowling ball" every night when I get in bed. This consists of him rolling from one side of my insides to the other. Over and over. And over again.
David and I are becoming more and more excited to be parents. With 12 weeks before the due date, it seems I know less than I thought I did. I think my parents did a good job, and any mistakes they may have made were all forgotten by age five. I can't do any worse than that, right? Well, even if I do, my parents are excited for a grandbaby so they can fix all the things we mess up as first timers.
Thank goodness for grandparents.
Mom? Dad? Are you available for the next, let's say umm....20 years?
THANKS! You're the best!

A Heavenly Kick

This week was the first time we felt our baby boy kick. David and I were talking and laughing together, and we felt the baby kick several times. Before this,I don't think that being kicked in the stomach ever sounded like such a wonderful idea. But, there is something magical when a tiny piece of heaven makes himself known. 3 more months. I am so excited to be a mom. And, if you think I am excited, you should see his daddy!

The doctor said she was only 99.9 percent sure about this....hmmm, I want to know where the .1 percent uncertainty comes from! Looks pretty clear to me! And, He is healthy! 

See! The baby already knows who his favorite people are! Mom and dad! He is healthy and due on February 20th! 

The best things in life are...Worth Puking For

You know...being pregnant is perhaps the most unique experience I have ever had. It is one of the greatest blessings. Sometimes when you don't sleep for the whole night due to the magnetic pull towards the bathroom, or you start worshipping the porcelaing idol it is hard to muster up a lot of gratitude. Then, something magical happens. You go to the doctor at 11 weeks and he tells you that today you get to hear the heart beat of your 1.22 inch baby. Suddenly, the room is overflowing with gratitude, and as you hear the fast little heart beat you don't remember the irritations of frequent urination and sleepless nights. You don't care that you have become better friends with that white porcelain than anybody or anything else in the last 3 months. That little beat lets you know that a very special spirit is waiting to come to the world. That little beat reminds you that he will need to be loved and taught. That little beat reminds you that having a family is what this life is all about. That little beat lets you know that you promised to be a mom (and a dad) in Zion. A long time ago we promised to take care of a special little spirit body. But really, that little heart beat is taking care of us.
Now, excuse me, but breakfast is being summoned by the white god in the room adjacent the computer. But, today I'll be grateful. I'm going to be a mom!

Glorious Girl's Camp

Today I really appreciate my mom! I went to girl's camp for the last week and enough said--I really appreciate everything my mom put up with having 4 teenagers at the same time. I don't think I ever missed my Darling so much. When I saw him my heart jumped, just liked the first time he kissed me. I had weak knees and "flutterbies" in my tummy. Distance definitely makes the heart grow fonder. He is the most incredible man in the world. I feel bad that not everyone gets to marry someone like my sweetheart.

Life is GREAT!

There is sunshine today because:

I had a dream about being pregnant! That's better than nothing! I know that someday we will have babies. This patience issue and me are just not good friends. We only have 6 days until college classes are finished forever! Hallelujah! I might jump off the bed I am so excited! Oh, and David does not have to work tomorrow and that is the best news of the century. So Lou...all those mean thing I never said to you...I take them all back. I mean, I guess you really do have a soul. Well, at any rate, my husband and I get to spend one weekend evening together! I am so grateful. Hmmmmm, my husband left me a love note on the computer yesterday. When I started working on my 8 page paper ( oh that was really fun) at least my "fun" was interrupted by the love note I found from him. And of course, I talked to one of my dear friends Vera yesterday. Why was this so great? Because this month we could barely figure out how we were going to pay our tithing, our rent, and still eat. Vera lives in Serbia. She works two jobs and goes to college, and serves faithfully at church! She is dirt poor yet, she is one of the happiest and most grateful people I have ever met. It made me worry less about the things I don't have--minus the food--and focus on the things I do have--my eternal companion, wonderful parents, education, and America. I felt better after my talk with her. I mean--she was even excited to talk to me when I called her at 2:00 in the morning. I forgot to take into consideration the time differences.
Life is great. I am happy. I am blessed~

Today there is sunshine because:

Our friend moved out and we have the entire house to ourselves. He is getting married to a wonderufl girl on Saturday and so I'm sure he was ecstatic to move out.
I'm still not pregnant, but I have started exercising to relieve some stress. Today was a good time to start because today handed me a big plate of stress and no way to deal with it. WE have to pay all of our rent now and health insurance doesn't cover any diabetic supplies. I mean it's not like we can leave out pump supplies until we get the money for it. It's more like--if we don't figure out what to do, I'll die. And, not in the figurative sense. No insulin- no life! So we are basically up the creek without a paddle. We can't afford rent, medicine, phone bill, utilities, and to top it all off-- food. I'm not really sure what we are going to do, and that gives me a lot of anxiety.
My therapist told me how to deal with anxiety. it goes something like this... Say to myself "I'm feeling anxious because we can't afford all that stuff-plus food, and that means we either have to ask for help from our parents or be evicted. Okay, I felt anxious, now I'm all better. I can deal with that." Sounds like a plan. Today I wish I was my husband's brain. Life in his brain is all sorted out. Everything makes sense.

Oh there's sunshine, blessed sunshine!

Three more weeks of school! I am going to pass all my classes, but not with flying colors....more like low-riding colors, if there even is such a thing. But, I don't care because I've really done my best, and my mom told me that's all I could do.

I had a great conversation with my mom the other night. She really is a wonderful woman. I've never met anyone who feels so deeply, thinks so passionately, and reminds me that I'm a good girl. We need more people like her.

We are trying to get pregnant. I don't think I am up for hearing from anyone else how I shouldn't worry or geez that's to bad. To be honest, not getting pregnant sucks! You dread that everyone is going to ask you if you are. Then you cringe when any of them--especially those who have a brand new baby or are about to have a brand new baby-- say 'oh I'm sorry, but you just started trying, right? You know how long I had to try? Getting pregnant takes time! Don't worry about it.' IF I WANT TO WORRY then let me worry. In fact, I am even allowed to have 2 days of worrying if I want to.
What is wrong with all these people who think they get to dictate how I feel?. I feel how I feel. Let me.
It's even a bigger slap in the face when you are one week late-if that makes any sense- and you find out from three tests that you aren't pregnant, but you do have an ovarian cist. It's great. I do have one thing in common with all the pregnant people. Ultrasounds. They get angels with their pain. I get pain with my pain.
Please don't patronize me--especially if you are already pregnant!
My husband never patronizes me. He just holds me when I cry, and he holds me when I laugh-- He is perfect...Marriage truly is a dream world. I am living with my Dream Come True. They said if it was too good to be true, it was. I am happy to say THEY LIED.